Greetings & Social Norms
The Dutch have specific customs around greetings that can feel quite different from what you might be used to. Understanding these norms helps you feel comfortable in both social and professional settings.
The Three Kisses (Drie Zoenen)
When greeting friends, family, or acquaintances at social gatherings, the Dutch often give three kisses on alternating cheeks — right, left, right. This is called "drie zoenen" and is mostly used among women and between men and women. Men typically shake hands with each other.
This custom is mainly for birthdays, holidays, and when you haven't seen someone in a while. You won't do this with colleagues at work every morning!
Formal vs. Informal: "U" vs. "Jij"
Dutch has two words for "you": the formal "u" and the informal "jij/je". Choosing the right one matters. Use "u" with older people, in formal situations, at government offices (gemeente), and when speaking to someone you don't know. Use "jij" with friends, colleagues of similar age, and in casual settings.
The Dutch are generally quick to switch to informal — a colleague might say "Zeg maar jij" (just say jij) to let you know you can be informal.
| Dutch 🇳🇱 | English 🇬🇧 |
|---|---|
| Hoe gaat het met u? | How are you? (formal) |
| Hoe gaat het met je? | How are you? (informal) |
| Zeg maar jij. | Just say jij. (You can be informal.) |
| Aangenaam kennis te maken. | Nice to meet you. (formal) |
| Leuk je te ontmoeten. | Nice to meet you. (informal) |
Birthday Customs
Dutch birthdays are unique: you congratulate not just the person having a birthday, but also their family and friends! You might hear "Gefeliciteerd!" said to the mother of the birthday person. At a birthday party (verjaardagsfeest), expect to sit in a circle (de kring) and receive a cup of coffee with cake.
| Dutch 🇳🇱 | English 🇬🇧 |
|---|---|
| Gefeliciteerd! | Congratulations! / Happy birthday! |
| Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag! | Happy birthday! |
| Van harte gefeliciteerd! | Warm congratulations! |
| de verjaardagskalender | the birthday calendar (hung in the toilet!) |
Do's and Don'ts
✅ Do
- •Shake hands firmly when meeting someone for the first time
- •Make eye contact during greetings
- •Congratulate everyone at a birthday party, not just the birthday person
- •Be punctual — the Dutch value being on time
❌ Don't
- •Don't kiss people you're meeting for the first time
- •Don't show up unannounced — always make an "afspraak" (appointment)
- •Don't be late without letting someone know